How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
