I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
