Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize