i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize