I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
