cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
