Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
