Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Randomize
