I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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