Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
