One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
