what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
