We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
