Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
