see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
