Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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