im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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