if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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