You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
