Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
