because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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