i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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