As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my phone needs a breathalizer
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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