Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
