Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
