I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
