Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
