Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
