why didn't you poke me back
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
