i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
