The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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