the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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