Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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