If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
we're so committed to being not committed
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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