I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
