I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
