its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just had sex on a roof
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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