i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
