Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
