All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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