Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
