Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
