I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
