So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize