hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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