quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
