the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
