i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
