Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
