I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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