Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think people are normalizing furries
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
