hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
