so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
