the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
