Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
