That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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