Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
