I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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