I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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