in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize