Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
