i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize