TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
