I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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