You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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