i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
