can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
