her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
