she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
