i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
