**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
