I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she told me i tasted like america
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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