I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
