Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
