Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
