"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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