He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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